When applied to a man, the word "bitch" means:
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Chocolate Is REALLY Good, Okay!?
Posted by: Jen
Jennifer: no, I saw your Twitter though and wasn't sure what it was about... Chris: yeah, was in a cab and i saw that and i wanted to look up more about it today Jennifer: you know, that would really ruin chocolate for me -- if I drowned in a giant vat of it. Chris: how about if you saw someone drown in it? Like everytime you take a bite you might be eating the guy you saw? Jennifer: I'd still be ok with it as long as I knew I wasn't eating the death chocolate. Chris: hmmmm inteeresting... Jennifer: well alright, I got really sick off of indian food and that didn't stop me from loving curry, so I'd imagine if I witnessed a chocolate drowning I'd be ok.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1198530/Death-chocolate-Factory-worker-meets-sweet-end-falling-vat-cocoa.html
Chris: hear about that dude that died by falling in a vat of chocolate?
very willy wonka like!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1198530/Death-chocolate-Factory-worker-meets-sweet-end-falling-vat-cocoa.html
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
On Surviving An Emergency
Posted by: Kim and Jen
Jennifer: When I worked at that summer camp one summer during college, the head of the camp had like this THING about thunderstorms. Like, the minute there was a cloud in the sky she'd FREAK out and be like, "THUNDERSTORM! QUICK! EVERYONE INSIDE!" She was so freaky about it the little kids picked up on it and even the ones who weren't scared of storms became really frightened! It was bizarre.
Kim: i am mildly confused. so, they are telling us not to stand in a baseball field or next to a tree
Jennifer: oh that was my point.
Kim: so ... like if we must be outside, what IS preferred? in the bushes?
Jennifer: Obviously we learned thunderstorm safety at camp and you are NOT SUPPOSED to go under a tree! If anything, like if you have a choice between a tree and a field, you are supposed to lie face down in the field.
Kim: NUH UH! i did not learn that, i just learned to get in the car because of the tires.
Jennifer: because it drastically reduces your chances of being hit!
Kim: hahahahahaha
Jennifer: and also, if you do get struck it hits you in the back, protecting your vital organs AND since your body is spread out it kind of spreads out the impact
Kim: lol, if you have the choice between tree or baseball field... amazing.
Jennifer: yeah, I learned that from Sandy, head camp mistress extraordinaire.
Kim: that is all excellent advice.
Jennifer: no, she was insane.
Kim: i would have a real problem with lying face down in a baseball field whilst lighting flashed all around me though, not gonna lie.
Jennifer: lol exactly, I'd take my chances and run!
Kim: that's kind of like how they are like, if you fall onto the subway tracks, do not move. Just calmly wait away from the electric rail as the train passes.
Jennifer: Umm if I fell in the track I would climb out immediately if the train wasn't coming...
Kim: i know! And if the train was coming, i would immediately die. Of terror. So.
Jennifer: well then you'd die anyway of train so it wouldn't matter.
Kim: well i suppose you could hang out in the little gravel pit alongside it and hope for no sparks or shrapnel or off-tracking.
Jennifer: I would lie down in the middle I think.
Kim: WHAT!
Jennifer: because it would probably go over you; that's how people have lived before!
Kim: IT WOULD NOT. i think i would fare best in emergency situations on boats or airplanes, because on the plane when they are like, 'please secure your own oxygen mask before helping any elders or infants' i am like, duh. And on a boat, well, i don't know... i am a fast swimmer but whine in cold water so i might be screwed.
Oh, if i were in a car and it fell in water, omg. i mean, i know you are supposed to calmly stay put and let the car fill up with water so that you may easily open the door once equilibrium is attained. But LIKE HELL.
That reminds me I need to start keeping a baseball bat on me at all times.
Jennifer: you could also kick out the windshield pretty easily pre-sinkage, Oprah said so.
Kim: maybe you could? of course, i would be trapped by my seat belt with two broken ankles or whatever.
Jennifer: good thing you don't need ankles to swim!
Kim: this does not mean i condone not wearing seat belts. Also how much would it suck if you fell in the water, and then waited for the car to fill, all while sinking, and then got out and a shark ate you?
That would also happen to me.
Jennifer: ok well, we don't live near sharks, so it's fine. I would worry more about letting the car fill and then not being able to get out.
Kim: i live near so many sharks.
Jennifer: there are no sharks in MA! Are there?
Kim: of course! i mean, they PREFER a warmer climate, but they are here... Did you not see JAWS?
Jennifer: My point was Jaws too actually; I was going to go, "Jaws was fake!"
Kim: there was a great white swimming around in shallow water for weeks on the cape within the past few summers, and the lifeguards do drills. Rarely, but they do them. Those were like, petrifying as a child.
Jennifer: When I worked at that summer camp one summer during college, the head of the camp had like this THING about thunderstorms. Like, the minute there was a cloud in the sky she'd FREAK out and be like, "THUNDERSTORM! QUICK! EVERYONE INSIDE!" She was so freaky about it the little kids picked up on it and even the ones who weren't scared of storms became really frightened! It was bizarre.
Kim: i am mildly confused. so, they are telling us not to stand in a baseball field or next to a tree
Jennifer: oh that was my point.
Kim: so ... like if we must be outside, what IS preferred? in the bushes?
Jennifer: Obviously we learned thunderstorm safety at camp and you are NOT SUPPOSED to go under a tree! If anything, like if you have a choice between a tree and a field, you are supposed to lie face down in the field.
Kim: NUH UH! i did not learn that, i just learned to get in the car because of the tires.
Jennifer: because it drastically reduces your chances of being hit!
Kim: hahahahahaha
Jennifer: and also, if you do get struck it hits you in the back, protecting your vital organs AND since your body is spread out it kind of spreads out the impact
Kim: lol, if you have the choice between tree or baseball field... amazing.
Jennifer: yeah, I learned that from Sandy, head camp mistress extraordinaire.
Kim: that is all excellent advice.
Jennifer: no, she was insane.
Kim: i would have a real problem with lying face down in a baseball field whilst lighting flashed all around me though, not gonna lie.
Jennifer: lol exactly, I'd take my chances and run!
Kim: that's kind of like how they are like, if you fall onto the subway tracks, do not move. Just calmly wait away from the electric rail as the train passes.
Jennifer: Umm if I fell in the track I would climb out immediately if the train wasn't coming...
Kim: i know! And if the train was coming, i would immediately die. Of terror. So.
Jennifer: well then you'd die anyway of train so it wouldn't matter.
Kim: well i suppose you could hang out in the little gravel pit alongside it and hope for no sparks or shrapnel or off-tracking.
Jennifer: I would lie down in the middle I think.
Kim: WHAT!
Jennifer: because it would probably go over you; that's how people have lived before!
Kim: IT WOULD NOT. i think i would fare best in emergency situations on boats or airplanes, because on the plane when they are like, 'please secure your own oxygen mask before helping any elders or infants' i am like, duh. And on a boat, well, i don't know... i am a fast swimmer but whine in cold water so i might be screwed.
Oh, if i were in a car and it fell in water, omg. i mean, i know you are supposed to calmly stay put and let the car fill up with water so that you may easily open the door once equilibrium is attained. But LIKE HELL.
That reminds me I need to start keeping a baseball bat on me at all times.
Jennifer: you could also kick out the windshield pretty easily pre-sinkage, Oprah said so.
Kim: maybe you could? of course, i would be trapped by my seat belt with two broken ankles or whatever.
Jennifer: good thing you don't need ankles to swim!
Kim: this does not mean i condone not wearing seat belts. Also how much would it suck if you fell in the water, and then waited for the car to fill, all while sinking, and then got out and a shark ate you?
That would also happen to me.
Jennifer: ok well, we don't live near sharks, so it's fine. I would worry more about letting the car fill and then not being able to get out.
Kim: i live near so many sharks.
Jennifer: there are no sharks in MA! Are there?
Kim: of course! i mean, they PREFER a warmer climate, but they are here... Did you not see JAWS?
Jennifer: My point was Jaws too actually; I was going to go, "Jaws was fake!"
Kim: there was a great white swimming around in shallow water for weeks on the cape within the past few summers, and the lifeguards do drills. Rarely, but they do them. Those were like, petrifying as a child.
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